The First One

Monday August 18th I got a horrible phone call that my Brother-In-Law had collapsed suddenly and died after football practice. He was 31. Just two weeks ago my sister called to tell me that they were expecting their first child. What a difference just a few days can make. As my family tried so hard to not tell anyone about the baby until after my sisters doctors appointment, we had no idea that we would lose a member of our family less than two weeks later. No one expects a 31-year-old to have a heart attack and die suddenly; it's just not supposed to happen that way. 

What happened from 11:00a.m. Monday August 18th to Wednesday August 20th was a complete and total blur. There were tears and hugs; anger and frustration; denial and fear. Two days were spent in shock and disbelief. I had no idea why any of this was happening, didn't' understand how it could happen to someone so young, and wanted nothing more than for it to be a bad dream. Surrounded by my "Grand Rapids family" I dealt with the grief and emotions the best I could. We laughed together and cried together and I tried to stay strong for my family while they were in Ohio. 

On Wednesday I packed my things and left for home in Midland. My two-hour drive was silent. No radio, no cd player, nothing but the sound of the road. I arrived home about two hours before the rest of my family got in from Ohio. I couldn't sit still. I watered the flowers outside, turned on the sprinklers in the yard, picked up sticks, and played with my dog to stay busy. Finally the van pulled in and out came my family. All of my family except for my brother-in-law. It wasn't a dream anymore. 

The next three days were spent just keeping busy. There were lots of funeral arrangements to be made and we set up a fund for donations for my sister's baby. Being the communication major of the family I was asked to write the obituary. We talked about Shawn, wrote down key dates and family members, and then I went up to my room for two hours and started writing. Not an easy thing to do but something that needed to get done. Looking back on it now I think it actually helped me come to terms with what had happened. 

Sunday August 25 and Monday the 26th we had the visitation and funeral services. We saw people we hadn't seen in years and received cards from all over the country. As hard as it was, it was also pretty amazing to see the number of people there for my sister and for for our family. Both the visitation and funeral were packed with people who came to celebrate Shawn's life and provide support for the families.  We made it through the toughest two days of our lives and we're trying to move forward and take the next steps of this difficult journey. Of course it isn't easy. There are still times where I think it's not real and there are so many questions that still exist. 

Why did it have to happen to someone so young? Why do bad things happen to good people like this? Why do people who abuse their bodies never experience anything like this? Why should my sister be a pregnant 30-year old widow. Why is life so unfair? These are just a few of the questions in my head right now. I supposed I will never know the answers to most of them but I'm sure as time passes we will begin to understand more and more about this situation. I know for me personally it served as a wake up call that we are only given one body and we have to take care of it. Yesterday morning I went into my doctor and asked for a complete work up. He took blood, blood pressure, family history, and gave suggestions for improving my diet. I have a goal to lose 30 pounds and be closer to my recommended body weight. It's too bad that it takes an experience like this to wake us up but it's amazing what you learn bout the strength of the human body and the strength of a good family at a time like this. 

More later.