My sister sent me a picture message earlier this afternoon. This is what it was:
A fitting tribute to a man who loved the game of football and worked so hard to earn the title of "Coach". A loyal U of M fan and devoted coach. Devoted to his wife, his players, and the game of football. It's hard to believe it has already been 11 weeks since Shawn passed away. Over this time everyone in my family has experience every possible range of emotion. It seems like there are days where you come to grips with what happened and you almost feel like you start to have an understanding of why he was taken from us. Then in just a few seconds that can all change and you are sitting there thinking it's a bad dream.
When I was in college I was required to take a theme. Themes were groups of three classes centered around a topic of the students choosing, the ideas was so everyone experienced something they normally wouldn't have had the opportunity to. For some strange and odd reason I chose the Death & Dying theme. The required classes for were the Physiological Aspects of Death and Dying, Biomedical Ethics, and Death & Dying from a Cultural Perspective (Or something like that). Anyways, all three classes were very different and I actually found them to be the most interesting classes I took during my career at GVSU. In the first class we talked about what happens to the body when you are dying, during the funeral, and then after burial. It was very interesting and had some amazing field trips as well, but I'll spare the details. The second class was all about how various cultures deal with grief and how they handle the whole funeral process. EVERYONE deals with death differently and there is no wrong way or right way to grieve.
After taking these classes I felt I had a much better understanding of the whole life & death process and I really thought I had a better grasp on how to handle my own feelings and emotions during the death of a loved one. Shortly after finishing those classes my grandmother passed away, and while it was sad, I also felt a little relief because I know she had lived a good life and was not enjoying what was left of her time on earth. Physically it was difficult to let her go knowing full well you would never see her again, but mentally I felt more prepared knowing with time I could celebrate her life & cherish the memories of her.
Fast forward to Monday August 18th, 2008. I get the phone call that my brother-in-law is in the hospital possibly having symptoms of a stroke or heart attack. Not more than 10 minutes later, a second phone call that said, "Matt, Shawn Died." 10 minutes was all it took for my families' life to be turned upside down. The emotions of shock, grief, anger, and frustration rushed into my body as I tried to comprehend what I just heard. The next few days and weeks went by so fast yet so agonizingly slow. I tried to use what I had learned from class to get me through the funeral and through the visitation strong and healthy. It was tough but all in all I thought I felt pretty good. As time went on I returned to my life. I was back to work in GR, back into my busy routine, and moving on trying to remember the good times I had with Shawn.
However the emotions I felt this time around were different. Way different. It wasn't go to the funeral, go to the dinner and share funny stories, and then go home and move on with your life. Life went on but it was different. There was a different way you looked at life. Suddenly little things seemed more important and you realize that taking care of yourself and those you love is something that should become a priority, not an option.
I still have a hard times, we all do. It's difficult when you really sit down and think about what happened. When you realize your sister lost the one person she's been in love with for the last 12 years of her life. It's hard when you see how strong she is trying to be and how focused she is on moving forward despite the hell she's gone through not just loosing her husband, but also loosing her baby. I tear up now more than I used to and I've come to realize that it's okay. It's okay to share your emotions with the ones you love and it's okay to express your emotions when you are alone as well.
I had no idea I would ever be faced with this hardship, nor did I ever think I'd see one of my family members tested in this way. I'm a believer in the saying, "Everything happens for a reason." It's difficult to say why this happened or where this experience will lead us, but I know all we can do is sit back and go for a ride and hope that one day all of our questions will be answered.
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